I recently had my third set of Botox injections, to help me cope with this voice disorder. Not much has changed except my attitude toward having the Botox. With a slight increase in the past few dosages, I find relief in communicating, just as it's probably a relief for those who hear me.
The other day my mother-in-law, who has been a double amputee for a number of years, told us that her ankle had been hurting. Familiar with the phantom limb syndrome, I realized that I often wake up with, what I consider, a phantom voice. Not knowing if I'll be able to speak clearly without my voice spasming, I have the sensation that my voice is as clear as what it had been. Perhaps it's the hope that my voice will function properly again, though doctors have told me otherwise.
As I work with children, I continue to be amazed at their resiliency. They can have such capacity to overcome hurdles and compensate for shortcomings. When my voice is clear, the children respond as if it's always like this, easy to understand. When it's not, we laugh at 'my silly voice' yet they don't give up listening.
It's the hope for the resiliency of our youth that we need to hold on to, for life is change. My current dilemma is whether I should speak as much as I can when the Botox gives me a clear voice, or use my voice sparingly to stretch out the time that it's in my system. A permanent change might not be on the horizon, but temporary relief is a blessing.
