Today my daughter, some other parents and I made a Chanukah presentation to my granddaughter's kindergarden class. Each of us had a station and 4 groups of children rotated from one station activity to another, in the classroom. I was excited to share my activity, but then, not surprisingly, the first question as each small group came to my table was "what happened to your voice?" I know that children will speak their mind, especially about what they directly observe,without filters. I expect that and welcome the teachable moment. It surprised me though, when one little boy asked "why did your voice die?" I said that it didn't die, it just changed. With that perspective of change and not permanence,I remain hopeful that the next Botox shots will have a longer effect on my voice. My voice is not gone, just different. I now have a new goal. I miss not reading aloud to children, due to this voice disorder. When my voice is at a good stage, I want to go back to that class and read them a story, a story about people with physical disabilities and differences...just trying to make a positive from a negative.

My Thanksgiving

Well, it's been nearly two weeks since my first Botox injection. Every morning I wake up hoping that my voice disorder hasn't returned, yet. The fact is that I'm taking a remedy, which I know is different from a cure. Even though I was told to make an appointment for a follow-up visit, another round of injections in three months, I now have hope that maybe I can control my spasmodic dysphonia. I have renewed concentration in vocal exercises,which I learned from past therapists/practitioners/readings. Feedback from others(family, colleagues, children and parents at school) is positive and encouraging. I can totally empathize with those who have an illness or condition that appears and the frustration and hopelessness that can follow. I am also thankful for the strength to be accepting and keep going.

Now for Botox....

Well, after struggling with spasmodic dysphonia for 3 ½ years, I have no more alternative remedies to try ….. and I’m tired of this. So, I decided to take my (primary)doctor’s suggestion and go back to the UCLA ENT for Botox injections. I’ve been reluctant for a number of reasons, but at this point, I’m ready to try medical intervention.

Yesterday I had my first Botox injection. Rather, my first two injections, one on each side of my larynx. The two marks looked fitting for upcoming Halloween … like a vampire bite, but they’ve already faded. The doctor was very thorough, telling me of possible side effects. It will take some time to see if the dosage is right since he considered my voice disorder to be fairly severe on the scale of voice disorders.

So, I’m hopeful, as is my family. My throat/voice feels no different, but then it never did. It’s not until I try and speak that the condition becomes apparent.

As I’ve tried to teach my children, there’s always a lesson to be learned. This challenge has reinforced something that I’ve often shared with teachers, the importance of speaking directly to others (esp. children). Forget shouting room to room or across a room, the communication loses its value. Speaking face to face, within a short distance, is the most effective way to verbally communicate. Then, of course, a lesson that my husband is probably very happy that I’ve come to better understand….. no point in saying inconsequential things, save the talk for what’s important and at the right time, when there’s not competition from other sources (such as a basketball or baseball game that’s on television). 

I’ll keep you posted….

5. Allergy Testing

The latest specialist that I've seen was an allergist. For the first time since I was a child,  I  went through two series of allergy skin tests. The results were not surprising..... I showed high sensitivity to certain trees, weeds, grasses and, of course, pollen. The doctor was sympathetic to my situation, said that spasmodic dysphonia might be related to my allergies, especially since I occasionally have laryngitis/throat reactions from allergies, but nothing conclusive.   My options for treatment could include going on an extended cruise, and be away from allergens(not realistic!), taking medication (which I've done) or going through immunotherapy. I spoke with my doctor, g.p., who made a valid point. If everyone was to be tested, we would probably all have some sort of environmental allergies. At this time in my life, do I really want to go through the series of allergy shots, when I've been dealing with this my whole life, and coping with it. I really would rather focus my attention  on my voice disorder..... So, now my regimen is yoga, specific stretches and exercises, trying to be conscious of how I use my voice, being hydrated and avoiding situations where I could strain my voice(which is most any social situation)...... I'm now starting to consider biofeedback, as well as giving Botox "a shot".